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Between Heaven and Hell
Words from my twisted mind
My love,

I thought I had moved on, away from you, but guess what? It was all a lie. My life is a mess, but that was about my past. I thought you were in my past too, but then again I was just fooling myself. You are still very present. And still very alive in my life.

Thinking back, I regret the way I acted, the way I treated you, the way I pushed you, I didn't treasure what we had, I was careless. Realizing that, then later thinking about that, I keep punching myself mentally. Just as I thought I was fine, I find myself thinking about you, longing for you. Wondering how you are, wondering if you were still hurting because of my stupid actions.

I can't get today's hug out of my mind, when I needed someone I could trust, BAM you were there (even though slightly reluctant at first, understandable in the situation I put you in). Your strong arms kept me together, refusing to let me break down. In that moment I wished I could stop the time, freeze the universe and keep us there.

I thought that the scars about us falling apart were healed, that I had convinced myself you were no good for me. I told myself, I need someone who's more of a man, a man who would protect me and be strong for me when I need him to be. It turns out you are, it's just that you are quiet so I tend to forget. I am sorry for that, my love.

It's been almost six months since I witnessed you walking out on me in my own apartment.

The first month after that I went to hell and back and since then I've been living like nothing had happened. But that's not true, because no matter how much I try to pretend, my body won't let me forget your touch, my mind won't let me forget your smile, my heart won't let me forget how I fell for you, how much I wanted for you to be mine.

Even now my knees become weak when you smile, even now your tiniest little joke crack me up, even now shivers run through my body when you touch me.

The harder I tried, the harder it was for me to actually forget you.

When you were comforting me, only one thought ran through my head: Finally I was home again. With you. That's when I knew I had no choice but to confess to you again.

I don't care whether you love me or not, I'm asking for a chance for me to prove my feelings to you. I'll hate myself for the rest of my life for hurting you, so please let me make up for all the mistakes I made last time. My love, please let me have another chance.

I still love you.

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Prompt: Lim Chang Jung - Long Time No see (Follow link for the MV)
Pairing: KyuHyun / SungMin
Rating: PG
Genre: yaoi, light angst
{WARNING} Not betaed, nor proofread - watch out for spelling and/or grammar errors!
A/N: This is more like a drabble, and this is first time I'm trying this writing style.
I just had to write -something- when I heard Sungmin mention on Sukira that Kyuhyun would sing this for him when he went to sleep in the dorm (how sweet is that?!)

ONE - 자꾸만후회되는게미치겠는데, 아프게너를또원해
(I'm going crazy with regret, I want you so much it hurts)

Droplets of tears has yet again pushed their way through the corner of his eye and is falling down slowly on his cheeks, his arms became damp from the moisture. As minutes and hours passed the small droplets turned into a ocean, soaking his clothes and pillow; his small whimpers turn into uncontrollable sobs.

“Sungmin!” he calls out his name in his sleep, but nothing than the silence answered him.

TWO - 붙잡을걸그랬나봐, 내가더사랑한다말할걸, 가진게너무없어줄게너없어; 안되는줄알았어
(I should have told you that I love you more, but I have nothing; I have nothing to give you so I thought I couldn't)

It took him a few seconds to register that the voice came through the speakers at the mall. He hurried forward before the thoughts of Kyuhyun could engulf him, but the words echoed in his mind, refusing to leave his thoughts.

Those words, he never understood what they meant back then. It was only when he left Sungmin finally understood how Kyuhyun had loved him all along, but by then it was too late.

THREE - 붙잡을걸그랬나봐
(I should have held onto you)

Like how people struggle to quit smoking, breaking old habits can be equally hard; it was first day of snow when they finally met again.

“Hyung?” It was the fragile, quiet voice of a surprised maknae. Both of them went to the coffee shop they'd visit together every year at this time, not knowing that the other had the same idea.

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Prompt: Heechul kissing Jungmo during his solo
Pairing: Heechul/Jungmo
Rating: PG-16, for language and suggestive sexual behavior
Genre: yaoi, light angst
Word count: About 2900 words
{WARNING} Not betaed, nor proofread - watch out for spelling and/or grammar errors!
A/N: Heechul plays a joke on Jungmo to see if the latter really loves him, but then he realizes that the joke was on him.

“You are just jealous because I kissed Siwon instead of you.”Collapse )

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Current Mood: happy happy

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YES, I finally did it!

I completed my first fanfic after the hiatus, all I can say is that the fic is just awesome.
Almost 3000 words sitting there ready to be published, all I am in need of now is the title ha ha :)

Please anticipate my comeback!

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Current Mood: pleased pleased

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I think I'm gonna catch a EunHae overdose after this weekend, haha ~

Jokes aside, I've had a hard time keeping up with all that's been happening on the k-pop scene past two-three years I've been on hiatus.
It feels weird and stupid even as I'm writing it, but being a fan does require a lot of hard work and time spent. If you don't have any idol you truly love, the time spent is like waste that's been discarded to the trash can and you can't get it back.
Read more...Collapse )

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Current Mood: tired tired

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Yes gals and girls, you heard it right!

Nyssaki has finally decided to return to the k-pop fandom after being on a hiatus for almost three years. The last time I really did catch up on anything about k-pop stars was JYJ's concert in Berlin in 2010. After that I went completely MIA, not producing any videos nor fictions.

I needed to set my life straight, as some of you might know, I suffered a deep depression when I first became active on the k-pop fandom scene back in the last 2008 / early 2009. The music help me a lot when I dealt with that, but the break-up of TVXQ and the following arguments among JYJ and HoMin fans became too much to handle. It wasn't a fandom anymore, it was war. I joined the fandom because we used to believe in one thing, we used to be same, but at that time we were falling apart. I had my own problems to take care of as well, and I felt so emotionally exhausted.

That's why I just left. During the time of my absence I got my life back on track and also got a permanent job position.

This, even though my day-time job takes up 80-90 percent of my time and energy, surprisingly gives me freedom to do whatever I want when I'm off. I realized that I couldn't keep away from writing and thus I've decided to make a comeback.

Even so, I won't be as active as I was before. I'll check up on my favorite bands, and write fictions when my muses prompts me, but I will not join any of the online forums, blogs or fan clubs anymore.

I'll be around if you want to chat about anything, but I won't be online all the time.

I hope you'll enjoy the fictions and other works I'll post in spite of me being active, yet not as active as I was before.

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Prompt: bioneuron
Pairing: Minho/Taemin, broken!Onew/Minho, Jjong/Key
Rating: PG18, mild language and sex
Genre: yaoi, light angst
Word count: About 3475 words
{WARNING} Not betaed, nor proofread - watch out for spelling and/or grammar errors!
A/N: This is the one I promised to post on your bday, bioneuron! I even broke my ultimate otp tofuHo for this one and I felt so sad for Onew T^T I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind hon, but it is the result of our facebook spazzing. Happy birthday babes♥, and I hope you like this one :)

Minho couldn’t really grasp what he was reading, his hands were shaking, and eyes were blurry. All this time and he didn’t see it. Yet the consequence of him breaking his own rule is now evident; it is staring at him, black on white; telling him the moment he knocked on the hotel room door, this was inevitable. For what? Just to fulfill his own desire and lust for the taste of Taemin?Collapse )

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Place of refuge: at home
Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

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Prompt: "Let me know if you know, because I'm dying to know"
Story inspired by NLT - Let Me Know (prod. by Stereotypes).

Pairing: Minho/Onew
Rating: G
Genre: yaoi, fluff
Word count: About 1000 words
{WARNING} Not betaed, nor proofread - watch out for spelling and/or grammar errors!
A/N: Hi all, I think this is my first full fluff story. It wasn't what I pictured when I started with the title, originally I was thinking angst. But I think I'm pleased with the ending, so I hope you also like it ^_^

No one could ever know, the moment Minho met Jinki – it was the beginning of the end, the end of the world as he knew it. No one could ever know, the moment Jinki touched Minho’s hand; he had given away all his heart.Collapse )

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Place of refuge: OnHo refuge
Current Mood: calm calm
Background noise: NLT - Let Me Know

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Prompt: "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction"
- Quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Story inspired by Trey Songz - Can't Help But Wait music video.

Pairing: broken!Minho/OC, Minho/Onew
Rating: G
Genre: light angst, yaoi
Word count: 900+ words
{WARNING} Not betaed, nor proofread - watch out for spelling and/or grammar errors!
A/N: Hi all, it's been a while since my last posting, but I'm finally writing again, hope to see my old readers as well as some new ones, kisses to everyone ^^

Together almost unknowingly, they learned that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction, and they were doing just that.Collapse )

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Place of refuge: OnHo land
Current Mood: busy busy
Background noise: Trey Songz - Can't Help But Wait

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Prompt:  "One day I woke up in the morning, thinking about these memories we had. The things between you and me, I know it’s over; but you know, I just can’t get over" - Shinhwa

Pairing: Minho/Nickhun
Rating: G
Genre: light angst
Word count: ~1000 words
{WARNING} Unbetaed


Being top stars brings sacrifices, sacrifices they didn’t even think twice about. They know what it costs to stay on the top, but they would do whatever it took. Music was their life. But this… this was different. They weren't sure if music was worth this, they weren't sure if they wanted to let it go.Collapse )

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Place of refuge: Computer room
Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Background noise: Tokio Hotel - Don't Jump

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